Fab1

Jokes

40 posts in this topic

27 minutes ago, Trailcraft43 said:

Wow wat a bloody bargain, 😜

IMG_3896.PNG

Good one.😂

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A man had great tickets for the State of Origin Final.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says. "The seat is empty".

This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the State of Origin, the biggest sporting event in Australia, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first State of Origin we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"


The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

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im not goin there for that special..i can only drink one beer at a time ...lol...rick

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Haha, bet he put his toothbrush under lock n key from then on, 😜

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Posted (edited)

21 hours ago, rickmarlin62 said:

im not goin there for that special..i can only drink one beer at a time ...lol...rick

I can Rick,

usually when I open the first and forget where I put it!

then open another and  then find the first, hahaha

marty

Edited by Trailcraft43

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On 9/29/2017 at 8:17 AM, Fab1 said:

All very good guys.

A woman goes into Rebel sports to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's Twenty first Birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Rebel check-out Clerk is standing there wearing dark shades. 

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel? 

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." 

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. 

He says, "That's a eight-foot surf caster Shakespeare graphite 667 Model rod, fitted with a Shimano Calcutta 400 reel spooled with 20lb Berkley Fireline. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $199.00

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" 

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. 

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes it's not likely that the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. He may not know that she was the only person around. 

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $254.50 please." 

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $199.00? How did you get $254.50?" 

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod and reel is $199.00, but the duck caller is $36.00 and the fishing bait is $20.50 shocked.gif
 

LMAO love it

 

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9 hours ago, Mullatt said:

oldies-20161005-204356.jpg

hahaha poor old man  :D

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Posted (edited)

On 9/24/2017 at 2:01 PM, Fab1 said:

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping 
for a bust. At closing time, as everyone come out he spotted his 
potential quarry. 

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He 
stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for 
his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally 
found his own vehicle. 

He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. 
He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He 
started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, 
when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started 
to drive away. 

The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled 
the man over. He administered the breathalyser test, and to his 
great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. 

The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" 
exclaimed the patrolman. 

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!!!" 

very good fab

Edited by COASTIE 01

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Posted (edited)

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? Only one kiss per yard replied the male clerk with a smirk. that’s fine said the girl. I’ll take ten yards. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, Grandpa will pay the bill.

Edited by COASTIE 01

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DUMB BLONDE JOKE...

A blonde lady goes into the hairdressers. "Can you just give me a trim please?"

Hairdresser says "would you like to take your headphones off?"

Blonde says "no just cut around them".

The hairdresser shrugs her shoulders and reluctantly cuts the blonde's hair.

A month later the blonde comes back . Same thing "no just cut round the headphones!"

Another month passes by and the blonde comes in again. She sits in the chair.

 Hairdresser says "would you like to take the headphones off ?"

Blonde says " NO JUST CUT AROUND THEM!"

The hairdresser starts cutting the hair but is cheesed off at the attitude of this lady, so she decides to remove the headphones anyway. Next thing the blonde clutches at her throat, makes some serious gurgling noises and dies in the chair.

The hairdresser is horrified at this unexpected reaction and out of curiosity picks up the headphones, holds them to her ear and hears "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out".                                     BN

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11 minutes ago, big Neil said:

DUMB BLONDE JOKE...

A blonde lady goes into the hairdressers. "Can you just give me a trim please?"

Hairdresser says "would you like to take your headphones off?"

Blonde says "no just cut around them".

The hairdresser shrugs her shoulders and reluctantly cuts the blonde's hair.

A month later the blonde comes back . Same thing "no just cut round the headphones!"

Another month passes by and the blonde comes in again. She sits in the chair.

 Hairdresser says "would you like to take the headphones off ?"

Blonde says " NO JUST CUT AROUND THEM!"

The hairdresser starts cutting the hair but is cheesed off at the attitude of this lady, so she decides to remove the headphones anyway. Next thing the blonde clutches at her throat, makes some serious gurgling noises and dies in the chair.

The hairdresser is horrified at this unexpected reaction and out of curiosity picks up the headphones, holds them to her ear and hears "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out".                                     BN

very corny :D

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3 hours ago, Regan said:

hahaha poor old man  :D

Good one.

2 hours ago, COASTIE 01 said:

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? Only one kiss per yard replied the male clerk with a smirk. that’s fine said the girl. I’ll take ten yards. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, Grandpa will pay the bill.

The girl should of asked for 50meters.

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An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would
somehow come back to inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there really was no heaven.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go and, true to
his word, a few weeks later as his wife sat and watched TV, she heard a
ghostly voice saying, "Maude... Maude ... "

"Is that you, John?" she asked as she looked in vain around the room.
he voice responded, "Yes Maude, I've come back just like we agreed."
"What's it like, John?" Maude asked.
John said, "Well, I get up in the morning and I have sex. Then I
have breakfast, and after that more sex. I bathe in the sun for a
while and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then have sex pretty much

all afternoon. After dinner I have sex until late at night and the next
day it starts all over again."
"Oh, John," Maude said, "then surely you must be in heaven!"
"Not exactly," John said. "I'm a rabbit somewhere near Dubbo.

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9 hours ago, Fab1 said:

Good one.

The girl should of asked for 50meters.

yeah

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