Fab1 Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 One night a man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. he went out and answered the door, a police man asked him if he put in a missing persons report about his aunt. the man said that yes he had. the officer said of i have some bad news, some terrible news, some good news and some great news. the man asked well give it to me in that order. the officer said. the bad news is, we found your aunt. the man askes "well whats the terrible news"? the terrible news is, that she was on the bottom of the river with cement blocks tied to her limbs. the man askes "well that is terrible but whats the good news"? the good news is, that when we pulled her out she had 7 big mud crabs attached to her the man askes "well that is good whats the great news"? the officer said well the great news is we are pulling her out again tomorrow. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big Neil Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Can't blame 'em eh? Not easy getting 7 decent sized mud crabs. hehehe BN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil D Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 two Black men fishing on a boat and needed to pee, both go for a pee on opposite gunnel ends , The guy on the left wow the water is cold on this side. Yeah! say the guy on the right, you should how deep it is on this side . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hooked-Up Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 1 hour ago, Basil D said: two Black men fishing on a boat and needed to pee, both go for a pee on opposite gunnel ends , The guy on the left wow the water is cold on this side. Yeah! say the guy on the right, you should how deep it is on this side . Ummmm is there a part 2? I might be having a dumb moment but I don't get it lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickmarlin62 Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 haha that dumb moments funny..........referring to the length of their ?????????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Share Posted September 24, 2017 A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time, as everyone come out he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyser test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman. "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sam bros Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hooked-Up Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 22 hours ago, rickmarlin62 said: haha that dumb moments funny..........referring to the length of their ?????????????? Lol sharpest tool in the shed here lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickmarlin62 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 it wont happen overnight but.....hahaha...nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnDory Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 36 minutes ago, Trailcraft43 said: ? I missed the humor in this one??? Tick yes OR sack the wife! JD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COASTIE 01 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffb5.8 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 I went to the new Zoo out west last week, the only animal it had was a small dog It was a Shitzu 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 All very good guys. A woman goes into Rebel sports to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's Twenty first Birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Rebel check-out Clerk is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel? He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a eight-foot surf caster Shakespeare graphite 667 Model rod, fitted with a Shimano Calcutta 400 reel spooled with 20lb Berkley Fireline. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $199.00 She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes it's not likely that the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. He may not know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $254.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $199.00? How did you get $254.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod and reel is $199.00, but the duck caller is $36.00 and the fishing bait is $20.50 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 Four old timers were Fishin and one remarked how forChristmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmasmorning, roll out of bed and without an argument godirectly to the lake, meet his buddies and go fishing. Hisbuddies all chimed in and said, Let's do it! We'll make ita priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmasmorning."Months later, that special morning arrives, and therethey are on the lake. The first guy says, "Boy this cost mea fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that shecan't take her eyes off it."Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is athome planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to hereyeballs in brochures."Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiringher new car, reading the manual."They all turned to the last guy in the group and heis staring at them like they have lost their minds. "Ican't believe you all went to such expense for thisFishin trip. I slapped my wife on the butt and said,'Well babe, is it sex or Fishin?' and she said,"Take a sweater..." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsswordfisherman Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 OK fellas just remember that this forum called fishraider is OWNED and RUN by a woman heh heh Standby for changes to that survey I might have to put some jokes about men in this thread!!! By the way guys just pm me your wives' email addies will ya hahahah 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnDory Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 5 hours ago, mrsswordfisherman said: Standby for changes to that survey Don't worry Guys I fixed it! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 5 hours ago, mrsswordfisherman said: DaOK fellas just remember that this forum called fishraider is OWNED and RUN by a woman heh heh Standby for changes to that survey I might have to put some jokes about men in this thread!!! By the way guys just pm me your wives' email addies will ya hahahah Here's my mrs email Donna. Karntelya@gmail.com. Please send my regards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 27 minutes ago, Trailcraft43 said: Wow wat a bloody bargain, ? Good one.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fab1 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 A man had great tickets for the State of Origin Final.As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him."No", he says. "The seat is empty".This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the State of Origin, the biggest sporting event in Australia, and not use it?"He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first State of Origin we haven't been to together since we got married.""Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickmarlin62 Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 im not goin there for that special..i can only drink one beer at a time ...lol...rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mullatt Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil D Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 On 9/29/2017 at 8:17 AM, Fab1 said: All very good guys. A woman goes into Rebel sports to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's Twenty first Birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Rebel check-out Clerk is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel? He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a eight-foot surf caster Shakespeare graphite 667 Model rod, fitted with a Shimano Calcutta 400 reel spooled with 20lb Berkley Fireline. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $199.00 She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes it's not likely that the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. He may not know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $254.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $199.00? How did you get $254.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod and reel is $199.00, but the duck caller is $36.00 and the fishing bait is $20.50 LMAO love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COASTIE 01 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 (edited) On 9/24/2017 at 2:01 PM, Fab1 said: A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time, as everyone come out he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyser test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman. "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!!!" very good fab Edited October 3, 2017 by COASTIE 01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COASTIE 01 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 (edited) At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? Only one kiss per yard replied the male clerk with a smirk. that’s fine said the girl. I’ll take ten yards. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, Grandpa will pay the bill. Edited October 3, 2017 by COASTIE 01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big Neil Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 DUMB BLONDE JOKE... A blonde lady goes into the hairdressers. "Can you just give me a trim please?" Hairdresser says "would you like to take your headphones off?" Blonde says "no just cut around them". The hairdresser shrugs her shoulders and reluctantly cuts the blonde's hair. A month later the blonde comes back . Same thing "no just cut round the headphones!" Another month passes by and the blonde comes in again. She sits in the chair. Hairdresser says "would you like to take the headphones off ?" Blonde says " NO JUST CUT AROUND THEM!" The hairdresser starts cutting the hair but is cheesed off at the attitude of this lady, so she decides to remove the headphones anyway. Next thing the blonde clutches at her throat, makes some serious gurgling noises and dies in the chair. The hairdresser is horrified at this unexpected reaction and out of curiosity picks up the headphones, holds them to her ear and hears "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out". BN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now